Apple Rejects iPhone App, Receives Chocolate Seals in Return
Put yourself in the shoes of Canadian software developer Matthew Smyth. For days you have slaved over a hot computer creating a new iPhone Application, and now it's ready for submission to Apple's official App Store. The App Store is the only outlet for iPhone applications, and has high standards for both programming and content.
So every line of code has been checked and rechecked, every pixel polished until it gleams. But your index finger hovers over the keyboard's enter key — there's something nagging at the back of your mind, something that might get picked up by Apple's notoriously high (and not always consistent) standards. You can't put your finger on the problem, and dismiss it. After all, you've had apps accepted before. Confidently you hit enter, and send the app in for approval. It's called iSealClub. What could possibly go wrong?
Not too surprisingly, this seal-clubbing app was rejected by Apple because of its objectionable content. Smyth took it to the computer press, asking why you can't club seals on the iPhone when you can hunt deer, kill Pygmies, steal cars and shoot innocent bystanders. A good point, but somehow it still doesn't make clubbing seals seem OK.
The final word was had by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) who thanked Apple CEO Steve Jobs for rejecting the app by sending him some chocolate seals. Made from vegan chocolate, of course.
I can't help feeling there's something a little incongruous going on... are chocolate seals the confectionery of choice for PETA staff? If so, what treats are being passed around at other charities? Are Barnardo's workers merrily tearing the heads off jelly babies? Perhaps anti-safari campaigners hide behind their Jeeps furtively scoffing Lion bars? Well, they have to cope somehow.
For the non-squeamish, and animal-rights activists who need a more direct release than eating tiny chocolate animal sculptures, here's a short video of the app:
More about iSealClub at www.isealclub.com
It’s Not My Fault — I’m Still In Beta
Beta version: software that is almost finished and is released to expert users for final testing. After a short while the beta label is dropped, and the public get their grubby mitts on the product. Job done.
Anyway, that's how it should work. But everything seems to be in beta nowadays, and everybody has to use it in that state, not just experts. Forever, it seems. Google's email service (Gmail) was released as a beta on 1 April 2004, and it still sports the label today — five years later. Microsoft's Internet Explorer 7 was in beta testing for a year and a half. Windows emulator for Linux geeks WINE was a beta product for 15 years, until 2008. The perpetual beta, they call it.
Google and their bloody betas
If I were a suspicious person I would think there were cynical motives at play. I am a suspicious person. I think there are cynical motives at play. By being perpetually in beta, they're saying "don't complain if it doesn't work properly". Worse, they're also being pushy — when you use something that's in beta you become a beta tester, and should give them detailed feedback on any problems you come across. Cheeky buggers.
If software companies can run endless beta tests, why can't I? As a human being, it makes a lot more sense: I'm never expected to be "finished" anyway. That settles it. I'm in beta, forever. And every person in the world is beta testing me. If my ill-chosen words offend you, don't get upset. If my clumsy horseplay injures you, don't complain. If my home experiments with flammable liquids disfigure you horrifically, don't howl. Instead kindly fill in a report form detailing what, when, where, why, what, why, and why the error occurred. Screenshots would be a help too. After all, I'm still in beta. Thanks for helping to iron out the bugs.
Update (9 July): Clearly influenced by my blog, Google have taken Gmail out of beta! In a bizarre twist, Gmail users can use a special setting which "soothes the soul by putting the familiar beta sticker back on the Google Mail logo". Concrete proof that to Google the term means, well, nothing at all — it's just a bit of decoration for logos that takes a while to grow out of, like a belly button piercing.
Categories
Archives
Subscribe
