Facebook Social Advice: Stop Neglectling Dead Friends
So what if I'm dead? We can still be friends! (photo by M.V. Jantzen)
Facebook has an new feature called "Reconnect" which, in keeping with the site's social cosiness, encourages active users to get in touch with those who are less active. "Write on their wall! Suggest new friends!" it bleats, coaxing like a parent who says "What happened to that nice so-and-so? You should send them a Christmas card."
What Facebook hasn't taken into account is that, sometimes, sadly, it's best not to get back in touch. For example, you might have fallen out. Or been jilted by them. Maybe they were jilted by you. As a general rule, if either party have jilted, are jilting, or will in the future jilt, don't contact them. The biggest social faux pas, however, is getting in touch with friends who have passed away. On Ouija Book, maybe. Facebook, no.
But that hasn't stopped Facebook suggesting that users reconnect with friends who died months or years ago. And when this was pointed out to Facebook management, what did they say? Did they go red and mumble something about the programmers not realising? Nope, they blamed the bereaved for not contacting Facebook to have the deceased's profile "memorialised". Nice.
So when you are busy doing unimportant stuff like organising a funeral and dealing with solicitors, and maybe - heaven forfend - are a bit unhappy, what you should really be doing is contacting Facebook to memorialise their ****ing profile.
Yeah, while you are at it, login to their Twitter account and in the big box at the top labelled What are you doing? write "Being dead. Forever. Don't bother replying, because I'm not really into this social networking thing any more. LOL!"
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